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Grief, A Few Days Ahead

Status/Tumblr short essay

The month of February will probably have a twinge of pain associated with it. Earlier this month on the third, it was the night I found I lost my grandfather and now nearly three weeks later, we have buried my grandma.

We are never tricked into believing our loved ones will be with us forever but we are tricked into believing they will be with us tomorrow.

The painful truth of aging is that loved ones aren’t as we remember, they need us to go to the store because it’s hard to get out of the house, they are nice some days and forget who you are on others. Some days they know who people are but their names can’t escape the tongue. The toughest days are the ones they forget your name.

The drives to see them become longer and the visits grow shorter. When they decide to talk just a few minutes longer, or decide today is a good day for a stroll outside, or when they stay awake to watch a TV show, Those are good days. These days are like a drop of rain on a highway in June, relief is given albeit short lived but it is enough to keep going back.

If caretaker were written as a job ad, no one would want to take it and it would be the last one on the list but it is the only one available. The commutes go late into the night, plans need to be made weeks in advance.  I am afraid of getting a condition like Alzheimer’s or Dementia because I have made thinking and creativity a part of my life. I realized in all of this my talents, mental and emotional capacity, or even Independence don’t make me who I am, being a person makes me who I am. The same is true for my grandparents and anyone else who lives with these conditions. These experiences with them helped me realize  there is a life beyond illness, not just after death.

If you have any diseases like these know that you are not a burden to those who care for you, you are loved. If you are a caregiver, take care of yourself, do whatever you can, and keep going back.

 
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Posted by on February 28, 2017 in Life, Writing

 

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Video

30 Days Under 30 Years: An Introduction 


The first episode of 30 Days Under 30 Years is an introduction to the series on reaching 30.

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2016 in Series, Vlog

 

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Outside News: Episode One 


The first episode of the comedic news vlog show, Outside News, was posted yesterday.  In this episode,  I read a (possible) Biblical Interpretation of the GOP candidate

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2016 in Uncategorized

 
Video

Scrawl Poetry Session: Little Steam Powered Bot

This is a poem I wrote for Amacon 2016. If you don’t know what Steampunk is, it is a genre of Science Fiction where the world is powered by steam. This poem is about a scavenger who collects money and buys a broken robot.

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2016 in Poetry, Vlog, Writing

 

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Hemi And Me Vlog

In this week’s episode, I talk about hemiplegia and what it is like to have a disability.

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2016 in The D-Word, Vlog

 

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Scrawlingwriter is vlogging 

Hello everyone,  I have good news:scrawling writer is vlogging.  There will be more video essays to come vut the first video shows me writing wirh my non-dominant hand with Hemiplegia. I worked hard on it and hope you will enjoy it. 

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

A much needed update

This summer I started a couple of new projects.  I should preface this by saying that I have been working through Donald Miller’s Storyline and using the website to make a better story for myself.  I have not posted much content over the summer because of a long project: a novella (shorter novel if you’re not into marketing terms).

The good news is that I really finished the first draft and I am editing it as I write this to you.  I am about half of it finished. It has been a source of joy and plenty of moments where I wondered what I was thinking.  I will post more details later but it is based in a fantasy world and most of the characters have reworked biblical names.

The other project I am working on is myself.  I wanted to get into shape and lose some weight.  I will post more on this later but I joined a website called nerdfitness.  It is a website that promotes fitness with the framework of a video game.  I like it because like every good game it helps you decide what your story is going to look like. There are roles(classes) you can play to create the path of your journey.  You can lift weights, run,  bodyweight train,  or any number of disciplines to pursue your goals.  If you want a different,  positive,  and encouraging way to start a fitness journey I encourage you to check it out for yourself. 

I will update all of you on everything mentioned just know that I am back and still here if you read this blog frequently.  I hope you have a good day even if you are back in school( school is fun).

 
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Posted by on August 24, 2015 in Life

 

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