Category Archives: Life

Grief, A Few Days Ahead

Status/Tumblr short essay

The month of February will probably have a twinge of pain associated with it. Earlier this month on the third, it was the night I found I lost my grandfather and now nearly three weeks later, we have buried my grandma.

We are never tricked into believing our loved ones will be with us forever but we are tricked into believing they will be with us tomorrow.

The painful truth of aging is that loved ones aren’t as we remember, they need us to go to the store because it’s hard to get out of the house, they are nice some days and forget who you are on others. Some days they know who people are but their names can’t escape the tongue. The toughest days are the ones they forget your name.

The drives to see them become longer and the visits grow shorter. When they decide to talk just a few minutes longer, or decide today is a good day for a stroll outside, or when they stay awake to watch a TV show, Those are good days. These days are like a drop of rain on a highway in June, relief is given albeit short lived but it is enough to keep going back.

If caretaker were written as a job ad, no one would want to take it and it would be the last one on the list but it is the only one available. The commutes go late into the night, plans need to be made weeks in advance.  I am afraid of getting a condition like Alzheimer’s or Dementia because I have made thinking and creativity a part of my life. I realized in all of this my talents, mental and emotional capacity, or even Independence don’t make me who I am, being a person makes me who I am. The same is true for my grandparents and anyone else who lives with these conditions. These experiences with them helped me realize  there is a life beyond illness, not just after death.

If you have any diseases like these know that you are not a burden to those who care for you, you are loved. If you are a caregiver, take care of yourself, do whatever you can, and keep going back.

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Posted by on February 28, 2017 in Life, Writing


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A much needed update

This summer I started a couple of new projects.  I should preface this by saying that I have been working through Donald Miller’s Storyline and using the website to make a better story for myself.  I have not posted much content over the summer because of a long project: a novella (shorter novel if you’re not into marketing terms).

The good news is that I really finished the first draft and I am editing it as I write this to you.  I am about half of it finished. It has been a source of joy and plenty of moments where I wondered what I was thinking.  I will post more details later but it is based in a fantasy world and most of the characters have reworked biblical names.

The other project I am working on is myself.  I wanted to get into shape and lose some weight.  I will post more on this later but I joined a website called nerdfitness.  It is a website that promotes fitness with the framework of a video game.  I like it because like every good game it helps you decide what your story is going to look like. There are roles(classes) you can play to create the path of your journey.  You can lift weights, run,  bodyweight train,  or any number of disciplines to pursue your goals.  If you want a different,  positive,  and encouraging way to start a fitness journey I encourage you to check it out for yourself. 

I will update all of you on everything mentioned just know that I am back and still here if you read this blog frequently.  I hope you have a good day even if you are back in school( school is fun).

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Posted by on August 24, 2015 in Life


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Warm Strangers: The Friendship Between Writers and Readers

I think of creative people as hermits.  We go off to a room or some other remote location and  spend a few hours repeating the same repetition and hope that we can somehow achieve masterpieces or the best words we can if we are more realistic.

The first human contact we have after we click publish or send is when a reader comes along and reads our work, we jump up and down because that is one more person that didn’t read it before. Someone took some time to actually read work from an unknown writer.

A writer forms friendships with people whom they have never met by marking our stories, dreams,  and desires on paper or a computer screen and this process shows us as at our most vulnerable.  It sets up an intimacy only the Writer and Reader know.

In the old days when I started writing I hide myself as a writer.  I convinced myself that my words weren’t good or I would be embarrassed when someone would see then berate them.  These insecurities don’t disappear and sometimes I wonder if they might still happen.  The only good lesson I learned about this is the fact that I’m not alone. Like any relationship the work may be rejected and the writer may be left heartbroken from the evaluation but if the writer chose not to send the pages out in the world they would grow old and dusty on the shelf,  never to be seen by the world, never fulfilling their purpose.

The truth is not writing is a far worse fate.  The reader never sees the possibilities locked inside the human head and the heart.  The writer doesn’t learn about people whether or not they are actual or fictional characters and the reader never sees the fruits of that labor. 

People who write join a community of human beings who see reality as what it can be, might be,  or ought to be, instead of what it is. Writers are an interesting group of people. Every writer is a hiding show-off.  We love words and their magic.  Everyday we see blank pages and decide words should be on them. We hope the world will become a more fantastical place because our words exist– even if it is only for today.

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Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Life, Writing


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Ashes, Phoenixes, and Lent

Whenever I think of ashes I think of Mount Vesuvius raining ashes over Pompeii. Every Ash Wednesday unearths and reveal the Lent season. Ashes are signs of rebirth as illustrated in the mythological Phoenix. 

I decided to start the renewal with early morning prayer even though mornings and I don’t get along but it is the best time because it is before the hungry wolves try to bite you.  In between yawns was  getting out the words to all of the Psalms and making sure my eyes didn’t shut.

I decided to give up social media for Lent.  I noticed that Looking into the screen before it is turned off it has a distorted look of your reflection.  Your eyes can glaze over and you have a distorted view of the reality around you. It is like viewing our lives in a warped mirror.

Another aspect of  this season is that it forces a new routine that is more structured and disciplined.  When I was younger I associated both discipline and routine with drudgery and boredom. The truth is that Discipline is required for creativity to exist. I’ve read about writers and artists whose lives were so simple and routine that it allowed them to grow into amazing people and as a byproduct they wrote beautiful words and painted Awe inspiring pictures. 

If you are on this journey towards Easter with me I hope it is meaningful and adds new stories within the best story.

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Posted by on March 3, 2015 in Life, Writing


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The November letter: an update

Hello readers,

Yes, I know it has been a while since I have posted a blog and I promised to write you letters and call once a week but I haven’t lived up to the Bargain. Fair enough.

What have I been doing all this time? I have been planning two things: 1. My Halloween cosplay and 2. My novel.  I have started a reflection piece about the cosplay that I will finish but it is November and two things I know about November are: 1. It is my birthday and 2. It’s Nanowrimo. 

This year I am a participant and all October planned and researched for my Historical fiction Vampire western novel and it took more time than I thought (you can’t rush these things). Since I have committed to writing 50,000 words in a month I may not post regularly but I will keep you updated in the process as well as share anything I have learned with you.  I hope people of all creative stripes will benefit from this experience as much as I have.

A Scrawling Writer.

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Posted by on November 5, 2014 in Life, Writing


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Weekend Calligraphy

I have a secret in addition to writing I also do calligraphy,   I had an interview this morning and needed to unwind so this is what followed.   I have a poem I’m finishing for next week and can’t wait to show you readers.   Until then,  love and many words,  a Scrawling Writer.  


Phillipines 4:4-7

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Posted by on September 6, 2014 in Calligraphy, Life, Writing


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An Essay Letter On Writing and Survival

Dear Reader,
As your writer let me be the first to say to you that there are some things that you will never see because you play the part of reader and I play the part of writer.  Unlike the actor, the writer’s performance exists entirely behind the stage.  We Pull levers to release metaphors.   We pull like work horses place our setting in the right place.   You can’t see our sweating faces, or feel the cool draft floating across them when the last word is read.  
I remember watching survival show and the host was talking about our actions and reactions can increase or decrease morale and in survival situations. If I simplified a survival scenario, it would be a series of actions and reactions which build morale.  For example, The action is deciding you can live in the wilderness, then the reaction, you decide to build a shelter, find water, and make a fire.  After the fire burns your outlook turns positive which in turn helps you trudge the wilderness.  The same is true in writing:You make the choice to write or type, letters appear, then words and later sentences. The red hot sentences warm you as they add timber to ignite pages, increasing morale. Your morale carries through when your transitions collapse, the word “that” is used too many times, or the last line was written behind negative self-talk. Every writer learns to stay alive because they keep up their morale.  The most important lessons for the survivor and writer is to keep going and keep on living.
Remember to care for yourself during the creative process,. Say kind words about yourself and your work even if they are unconvincing. Take a few extra minutes to enjoy the warm shower after your working on your craft for the day, cook or order takeout you will like (unless it has too many carbs, I’m kidding).   If you are a creative type, No one will thank you for writing, playing, drawing, or singing and most  people won’t be impressed unless they try to create themselves.  Your thanks will come from the satisfaction after the last letter, step, or note.   The inner sense of gratitude will flow over when you finally plop on the couch after a day’s work.
I think Einstein would consider writing insanity because writing is the definition of insanity, writers do the same actions every time they write and hope for different results.  We want to have a bestseller or to be put on an “in-list”  to affirm our efforts and ourselves.   Instead, a few more words are written than were there yesterday. This writer isn’t immune.  As a Christian boy, I know hope takes it’s time, watching every step it takes.  We pray in office chairs like they were church pews just to travel a little farther.  We don’t want to remain silent while rocks steal our words.  we pray the same prayer any wordsmith says—just one more line, and if we  cannot have one more line, than just one more word. I hope you have the blessing of one more word, writer. 
A Scrawling Writer.

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Posted by on June 13, 2014 in Life, Writing


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